Media meltdown

One morning a week or so ago the TV blew up. It had been behaving erratically and then one morning in the middle of Sponge Bob, it gave up its ghost with a puff of smoke. The children were devastated. What will we do now? What will we do? There is nothing to do! Dad came and tried to set up the computer with a DVD but the computer crashed and when rebooted would not see the DVD device. Hmm. He spent 4 hrs. So the kids could watch TV. But the curse was too strong.

The TV still sits mute. But we have eaten meals at the table more often in the last week than in the last three months, we have played card games and board games. We rode bikes and took walks. We just talked.

In the interim my husband and I talked alot about cable and what we really want and use, and found that we want little and end up paying for a big package of stuff that we don't want. There is no way to say no thank you I don't want that. And no matter what fancy promotion/rewards/premium offer you sign up for after fees and the promotional period ends the cost is obscene. Similar to the obscene disproportion of space that breakfast cereal and soda take up in a grocery store.

I find myself again in that place of does any one else notice how insane this is?
If Keeping up with the Kardashians is your thing, well .. never mind. But ever the National Geographic Programming has fallen into the hyper dramatized, digitally recreated mode. So little is authentic any more.

I watched Fame with K1 and shocked her with some breasts and the f word, because she has dreams of fame that are fed by Disney and I wanted her to see a little more reality of the struggle. What really impressed me how normal the characters in the film looked. Normal everyday buck-teethed people dressed in hand-me-downs with immigrant parents. Not these shiny perfect beings with clueless or absent rich parents that live on Planet Disney.

So maybe the next title will be in search of authenticity.

Relief in Sight

I love summer, I really do, but by this time of year I am glad for fall and for that turning of the wheel for Moms, the first day of school. As wonderful as summer is the kids are like the unemployed hanging around without focus, gradually losing inertia. I feel like the cruise director trying to provide diversions. I am always glad to have the structure of the schedule back again and the rhythm of the days returns quickly. Somehow everyone seems more content.

Arte y something or other

Blog awards. I thank Kim for awarding me. I am generally suspicious of links and chains, and when I tried to hook up the link for this award I got a notice saying the link had been eliminated because it was a phishing scam, although the link through Rose's site still works. I may just be link jinxed. Because none of the other attached links for the blogs I awarded worked either. Rather than muck around on my last day off.. please see my recommended list for the links to the blogs and go to Roses for the link to Arte y Pico if you must.


1) Suz-Q aka "Q" , my long lost friend on the left coast, whose dry wit I thoroughly enjoy and miss in person and whose photography captures the stunning beauty of the natural world. She can make a tomato look more wonderous than a flower. Harvest moon.

2) Annie Kelliher , well, Annie, can certainly speak for herself ! As you will see. Annie gave me fire when I needed it, and a sword to cut through the BS. Annie is excellent at that. Her ruminations are always deep which appeal to me, and her word slice right through to the point mercilessly. Always refreshing to be around a person who knows what they think and says it. Thanks Annie. Writers and witches and words... oh my!

3)Kim - The Wicked Step mom: NOT. Instantly married with four kids and still really very grounded. One of the strongest and sanest people I know. She uses her blog as a diary to get through the "can you believe this?" s of picking up the pieces after a highly dysfunctional-- and still involved enough to do damage-- biological mother. And I am guessing release the outrage before it sets in her heart. From the community she gets the grounding and the support that I imagine is help in doing what is and oh soooo valuable job. There are innocents that may be healed. I admire her for giving her self over so to trying. Just because it is right and good. Diary of a Stepmom

4) Rose- What Rose made today -- I have to admit I just learned of this one the day before yeasterday when I came off the gerbil wheel, but I can feel Rose's robust merry earth mother shining through at me. I can smell the earth and the green when I look at the photos. And Rose's Mead is what gold would taste like if it could. I always imagine she has nature's attention where ever she passes, probably because she has always been so mindful of it .

crazy lttle after thought

When I grow up I want to be dead. I say this because I know with utter confidence that for years after I am dead and scattered I will still be preapproved for several low interest credit cards, term life insurance, and special magazine subscription offers for a limited time only. I know that the trade unions that I belonged to will still be supporting my interests since the assure me I am a valued member. I also know that the restaurant whose guest book I signed a few years ago will still send me postcards of their specials even to an address 3,000 miles away.
See, live people are not so special after all.

The little things that keep me sane

The creature on top of the bird cage was my birthday present. Her name is Luna-- because I said so, whenever the children ask why. She also could have been named Zoom or Bonk, because that is what she does alternately, much to the delight of all of us. She is a living life lesson playing out before us and joy to me in spite of the zooming when one should be sleeping and the early morning ankle biting.

One morning when I was getting ready for work suddenly the pint sized cat was IN the birdcage with the bird. Then the bird was out and the cat was in , and it took a few very long and feather flying seconds to extricate the cat and toss it through closing door, catch the confused and indignant bird and restore order. And put twist ties on all the cage doors in case Miss Puddy-tat decided she wanted a repeat of that action. Cool TOY!

I watch this creature like some kind of little miracle. First The gusto with which she zooms into each game, throwing her self in no worries. Then the bonk. How many times she has missed the mark and BAM-- and she landed, dazed, shook it off for a second and got right on to the next thing. No ruminating. No lingering on it.

That ability to do the same stupid thing over and over again unselfconsciously is at once endearing and amusing to us. Like clowns. Are we condescending or are we enjoying a part of us in another that we have lost?

So even this little kitten makes me wonder so deeply. My gift and my curse I guess.

Ok, so I lied...

Wow where have I been? I'm not quite sure. On the gerbil wheel I suppose. No, perhaps that would not be fair. I have been on a journey, allowing the universe to guide me and show me where I am needed. (Which apparently is a lot of places.) I bring something to my work place that I can see is truly needed, but at the same time I can see all the lessons I am needing to learn there. Some how I have entered a period of profound lucidity. The way seems clear. I don't know where I am going but it doesn't seem to matter any more. Some kind of restless striving I have always felt has completely gone from me. In some ways it feels strangely like apathy, but that may just be a judgement of my mind and the social programming.

The cheerleading adventure was a good exercise in learning to go with the flow and find some enjoyment in a situation that held many irritants for me. Also to set a boundary and make a difficult and unpopular decision not to continue. The overall out come was good.

K1 had her 14th birthday (uh, more like, birthweek), and is stressing over going to the high school in the fall. She had a Promotion (graduation) and class night( prom Jr) which may as well have been the real thing for all the "Mom, you don't understand,..."s
K2 has summer school and tutoring all summer as well as day camps. She has a week of horse camp in Aug which she has been dreaming of all year. I'm curious to see how that works out because she said she didn't want to go to day camp at the lake because of the bugs. Hmm. I'm not saying a word. I'll just put bug spray on her and see how much she really loves horses...
Hubby receives honorable mention for always being there even if not truly present, and always trying.
For anyone wondering there has been no further activity in the Mansfield murder. We wait. It will be 3 years Aug 28. At least we see our nephews often and they are well.

I'm baaaack......

Finally. I am back from the land of overly large sequined bows and glitter eyshadow blended with sweat and athletic endorphins. I will admit the kool aid kicked in the last few weeks especially with 3 or 4 first places in a row and two of them national championships. The endorphins start running vicariously and I guess I can see how the parents get hooked.
It was nuts, but the right thing to try. Glad I did. May repeat with certain major revisions to the approach, but not immediately. Grades suffered during competetions. Life suffered during competitions. Heck. Life was, the whole family, competitions. Too much.

And that brings me to my next " what is WRONG with this world ?" rant.

More on the subject of too much. K1's class trip for 8th grade to was to NYC.
They went to Madame Tussauds, on a boat tour around the statue of liberty, to see the Blue Man Group . Lunch at Mars 2112. The trip cost more than >$150 . We had to bring them to school to get the bus at 5:15 am and pick them up at 10pm. It was on a wednesday. All the kids were told that they were expected to be in school inspite of the trip. The next day k2 said it was "ok". She was tired. She went to school. She said half the kids weren't there.
What is wrong with this picture?
DUh people!