Arte y something or other

Blog awards. I thank Kim for awarding me. I am generally suspicious of links and chains, and when I tried to hook up the link for this award I got a notice saying the link had been eliminated because it was a phishing scam, although the link through Rose's site still works. I may just be link jinxed. Because none of the other attached links for the blogs I awarded worked either. Rather than muck around on my last day off.. please see my recommended list for the links to the blogs and go to Roses for the link to Arte y Pico if you must.


1) Suz-Q aka "Q" , my long lost friend on the left coast, whose dry wit I thoroughly enjoy and miss in person and whose photography captures the stunning beauty of the natural world. She can make a tomato look more wonderous than a flower. Harvest moon.

2) Annie Kelliher , well, Annie, can certainly speak for herself ! As you will see. Annie gave me fire when I needed it, and a sword to cut through the BS. Annie is excellent at that. Her ruminations are always deep which appeal to me, and her word slice right through to the point mercilessly. Always refreshing to be around a person who knows what they think and says it. Thanks Annie. Writers and witches and words... oh my!

3)Kim - The Wicked Step mom: NOT. Instantly married with four kids and still really very grounded. One of the strongest and sanest people I know. She uses her blog as a diary to get through the "can you believe this?" s of picking up the pieces after a highly dysfunctional-- and still involved enough to do damage-- biological mother. And I am guessing release the outrage before it sets in her heart. From the community she gets the grounding and the support that I imagine is help in doing what is and oh soooo valuable job. There are innocents that may be healed. I admire her for giving her self over so to trying. Just because it is right and good. Diary of a Stepmom

4) Rose- What Rose made today -- I have to admit I just learned of this one the day before yeasterday when I came off the gerbil wheel, but I can feel Rose's robust merry earth mother shining through at me. I can smell the earth and the green when I look at the photos. And Rose's Mead is what gold would taste like if it could. I always imagine she has nature's attention where ever she passes, probably because she has always been so mindful of it .

crazy lttle after thought

When I grow up I want to be dead. I say this because I know with utter confidence that for years after I am dead and scattered I will still be preapproved for several low interest credit cards, term life insurance, and special magazine subscription offers for a limited time only. I know that the trade unions that I belonged to will still be supporting my interests since the assure me I am a valued member. I also know that the restaurant whose guest book I signed a few years ago will still send me postcards of their specials even to an address 3,000 miles away.
See, live people are not so special after all.

The little things that keep me sane

The creature on top of the bird cage was my birthday present. Her name is Luna-- because I said so, whenever the children ask why. She also could have been named Zoom or Bonk, because that is what she does alternately, much to the delight of all of us. She is a living life lesson playing out before us and joy to me in spite of the zooming when one should be sleeping and the early morning ankle biting.

One morning when I was getting ready for work suddenly the pint sized cat was IN the birdcage with the bird. Then the bird was out and the cat was in , and it took a few very long and feather flying seconds to extricate the cat and toss it through closing door, catch the confused and indignant bird and restore order. And put twist ties on all the cage doors in case Miss Puddy-tat decided she wanted a repeat of that action. Cool TOY!

I watch this creature like some kind of little miracle. First The gusto with which she zooms into each game, throwing her self in no worries. Then the bonk. How many times she has missed the mark and BAM-- and she landed, dazed, shook it off for a second and got right on to the next thing. No ruminating. No lingering on it.

That ability to do the same stupid thing over and over again unselfconsciously is at once endearing and amusing to us. Like clowns. Are we condescending or are we enjoying a part of us in another that we have lost?

So even this little kitten makes me wonder so deeply. My gift and my curse I guess.

Ok, so I lied...

Wow where have I been? I'm not quite sure. On the gerbil wheel I suppose. No, perhaps that would not be fair. I have been on a journey, allowing the universe to guide me and show me where I am needed. (Which apparently is a lot of places.) I bring something to my work place that I can see is truly needed, but at the same time I can see all the lessons I am needing to learn there. Some how I have entered a period of profound lucidity. The way seems clear. I don't know where I am going but it doesn't seem to matter any more. Some kind of restless striving I have always felt has completely gone from me. In some ways it feels strangely like apathy, but that may just be a judgement of my mind and the social programming.

The cheerleading adventure was a good exercise in learning to go with the flow and find some enjoyment in a situation that held many irritants for me. Also to set a boundary and make a difficult and unpopular decision not to continue. The overall out come was good.

K1 had her 14th birthday (uh, more like, birthweek), and is stressing over going to the high school in the fall. She had a Promotion (graduation) and class night( prom Jr) which may as well have been the real thing for all the "Mom, you don't understand,..."s
K2 has summer school and tutoring all summer as well as day camps. She has a week of horse camp in Aug which she has been dreaming of all year. I'm curious to see how that works out because she said she didn't want to go to day camp at the lake because of the bugs. Hmm. I'm not saying a word. I'll just put bug spray on her and see how much she really loves horses...
Hubby receives honorable mention for always being there even if not truly present, and always trying.
For anyone wondering there has been no further activity in the Mansfield murder. We wait. It will be 3 years Aug 28. At least we see our nephews often and they are well.

I'm baaaack......

Finally. I am back from the land of overly large sequined bows and glitter eyshadow blended with sweat and athletic endorphins. I will admit the kool aid kicked in the last few weeks especially with 3 or 4 first places in a row and two of them national championships. The endorphins start running vicariously and I guess I can see how the parents get hooked.
It was nuts, but the right thing to try. Glad I did. May repeat with certain major revisions to the approach, but not immediately. Grades suffered during competetions. Life suffered during competitions. Heck. Life was, the whole family, competitions. Too much.

And that brings me to my next " what is WRONG with this world ?" rant.

More on the subject of too much. K1's class trip for 8th grade to was to NYC.
They went to Madame Tussauds, on a boat tour around the statue of liberty, to see the Blue Man Group . Lunch at Mars 2112. The trip cost more than >$150 . We had to bring them to school to get the bus at 5:15 am and pick them up at 10pm. It was on a wednesday. All the kids were told that they were expected to be in school inspite of the trip. The next day k2 said it was "ok". She was tired. She went to school. She said half the kids weren't there.
What is wrong with this picture?
DUh people!

I have always been here

I have always looked out from behind these eyes

It feels like more than a lifetime

Feels like more than a lifetime

Sometimes I get tired of the waiting

Sometimes I get tired of being in here

Is this the way it has always been?

Could it ever have been different?

Do you ever get tired of the waiting?

Do you ever get tired of being in there?

Don't worry, nobody lives forever,

Nobody lives forever

"A New Machine - Part I"

Pink Floyd

Momentary Lapse of Reason

On my feet

Well now I finally know what they call the flu, and I will definitely get my flu shot every year after this experience. Although I did get it this year and of course the strain that hit was not included in the vaccine. I have to admit I've never had more than a bad cold until now. I am upright at last, and swaying through my daily routine, but I still feel really weird. Dizzy, off balance and sometimes my skin just hurts like I have a fever, but I don't. At its worst-- muscle aches and headache that were unrelieved by anything over the counter. Pure misery. A day or two of that sure has you feeling grateful for good health!

Back to work tomorrow and then I have two days worth of competitions to go to this weekend, although I plan to abbreviate my exposure as much as possible. Then it's 3 weekends off! Even K1 is feeling the lack of time ( :0 we don't have any time to go shopping OMG!)

All I have to do is make it through April...