Ok, I'm on the bandwagon now folks. Maybe this will be a solution to the profound silence my friends sometimes experience from me. I apologize to any feeling neglected. I love you all, but sometimes find it excruciating to make one more conversation. With all the "mommy" 's there is so little replenishing quiet to be found. Just the presence of another two legged life form in the house has my attention prickling. The best time is when it is just me the clocks and the refrigerator hum, with the occasion burst of keyboard tapping, of course. K1 the larger of my two offspring has been home with --what is not yet cofirmed, but looking suspiciously like-- mono. The girl who could drive me and her little sister, aka K2, crazy with her energy is so sadly tired and droopy and able to lie for 20 of 24 hours on the couch or in bed. While hubby is highly skeptical and believes in the old "tough it out" approach. I have personal experience with this kind of fatigue and the guilt inspired by the dismay of the healthy people around you. I told her that I believe her if she says she just can't get up and go to school. She is in tears with that guilt, and says she is sorry to me everyday that she can't get up. Hubby says , albeit after too much wine, that I am creating a monster. I think the worse monster is created by threatening the trust a child has in you to take care of them, and teaching them to doubt and ignore the signals their body is sending them. I want my daughters to listen to their bodies wisdom. K1's is telling her she needs to cucoon for a while.
I am once again impressed by the pressure of the world "that runs on dunkin". Don't stop for god's sake! Don't stop! I can hear the anxiety in the voices of the school office and nurse. The dismay that she is out for so long. From activities to fundrasiers the incoming blizzard threatens to overwhelm and smother. Like junk mail I begin to resent them. It reminds me often of a schizoprenic patient I saw in nursing school. Flight of ideas. Insanity. Chaos pretending to be order.
I may end up on a mountain top one day. Or I may just get better at blowing it all off.
Listen to the voices today, on radio, TV , even in the grocery line or office. Listen to how much fear there is every where. War death disease terrorism recession interest rates bacteria, not to mention wrinkles and clean toilets ( does anyone really believe they can or should bother disinfecting a toilet???) It is amusing when it is not annoying.
But today I will go forth and try to not be afraid of the insanity, not be a vector for the fear, and to be amused as much as I can.
Is there any body out there?( with the Pink Floyd echo)
3 comments:
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I am so happy to have a place to go where I can hear your voice in my ear. Such good news for someone so far away.
K1 needs to rest and let her body mend itself. I too have been through that kind of exhaustion and it will pass in time. A few weeks away from the frantic pace will do her a world of good and no harm at all.
Much love to you!
Q
[http://harvestmoonseattle.blogspot.com]
Welcome! I love "hearing" from you. Trust your instincts and let K1 do the same. So often we are told that our instincts are way off base and we stop trusting ourselves what a shame. Take care of yourself as well. Love to you!
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